After last night, I am glad I woke up at the time I did. I figured I'd sleep all day. Waking up wasn't the hard part, it was leaving behind an unfinished dream that I kept falling back asleep to finish. All that I know is that I can't blog about certain people before I go to sleep, or I dream about them.
It's a brand new day. I got up and realized how wonderful hot showers are. Today is going to embark a new adventure. My dad goes in for surgery tomorrow and for someone who has spent her entire life taking care of her lovely parents to make sure she can keep them as long as possible... this is so hard. I wasn't like this until grandma died.
When she died, my world crashed. I didn't cry, but I was terribly pissed. Sitting on the bathroom floor, just wishing she would knock on the door and tell me that she had to come in. A week before she died, she asked me to sing for her. I use to be really shy, in front of everyone, and I declined. I was so bashful, towards everyone, completely different from the person I am now. When she started going downhill and soon died (a day before I was suppose to come see her in the hospital), I felt like it was my fault, like I could of stopped it. From that day on, it was my job to take care of everyone, to make sure I could prevent things. It was also the start of me working hard to use music and theater as my ministry. To spread my gift to as many people as it could reach. To hopefully give a helping hand. Maybe that is also why auditions are so stressful for me. Because she can see me, from heaven, and I want to do my best, not just for myself, but for her and God.
Wow, I could vent on that subject forever. But! God has blessed me in so many ways. I am going to use today to glorify him. After staff meeting, West Virginia, here I come. I am going to use who I am to help other people. God you made me that way and I can't change it. I can help other people as long as I agree to help myself. Well, this trip will be helping myself.
You blessings never fail. This week will be fine. And you will always be with me.
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