I haven't written in a while. This could be due to the rise of joy within my life. It also could be due to the lack of time and effort to want to write down my feelings. All in all, I'm here now, writing, venting, learning the ways of words to express the inner most feelings of my heart.
I blame Joel. I was fine with leaving school for the summer until he brought it up. Friends are my rock, my fire, my life - they keep me burning and living for another day. Joel is one of the friends and the more I sit around thinking about time without my boys, I wonder, "How in the world am I going to function?"
Now, don't get me wrong...I have home friends that I love to pieces. But, you have to understand these boys to understand where I am coming from. They live everyday like they have no worry. (Now, I know they worry, but most of the time, it's just fun and the responsibility they have is just done - no complaining, just done quickly so they can get back to life). Even when they don't mean too, they always teach me valuable lessons about cherishing life and time and time again remind me of the 1 Timothy 4:12 verse : "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." I love it and I love them.
Now, once again, don't get me wrong. It is a little weird to be that close with guys all the time. I mean, there are sometimes, I feel completely left out and strange, like they wish I didn't belong, but I know better. They just have their boy giggles and I sit there and shake my head with the "those silly kids" attitude. Sometimes the testosterone levels rise a little bit too high for my own good, but somehow, I am able to measure it back down. The more I realize that although I am a women, I love those boys like they were my own brothers.
Pretty much, I can see ahead, see all the great things awaiting me, and that is what is getting me through a lot of things right now. I have learned to have joy in every situation and even though sometimes you don't always understand why things happen, you know God is on your side and he loves you. He wants to see you succeed and he wants to see you do his will. I have joy because I have people to remind me to take delight in the little things and not dwell on the impurities of the world. God brought me those boys as a blessing. That's a good word for it - they are my blessing.
Camp (if I get the job) is going to be a great experience this summer. It's what I have been working toward for a long time. I have been wanting to be a counselor for LONG, LONG time. :) We'll see what God has in store for me.
Musical is coming up. I feel like I could vomit. I just wish people would stop talking about it for a while. I want it so bad, I could taste it. I am going to leave the subject for a while... at least until auditions are over...so I can actually breathe and concentrate on schoolwork ( maybe...?) and rehearse my song/monologue in peace without worry.
I am so sentimental. I am remembering so much and fretting so much. I just wish that I could just learn to suck it up and "be a man..." On second thought, Gabe might not like that too much. haha.
Tired. Sleep.
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